Two guys and a prom count down.

The kid looked pretty good in his tux. Chaucer couldn't bring himself to go tux, but coordinated in his suit pretty well. Did we want Chaucer to come in? Why, yes. DH couldn't figure out how to get the camera working and got it stuck in some obscure mode. Baby Song had to take over with the pics. Talk about your two nervous looking guys. Oops, the kid forgot something. Back in the house and out the front door so as not to collect unwanted dog hair. Extremely anti-climatic after all. They are off to dinner now and then to prom.

Three Strikes and They are Not Out . . .

and still the only one who thinks he might be gay. So the Kid is having second thoughts about going to the prom with Chaucer. But, wait, it is not what you might think. He is worried that Chaucer, like his other two "friends" might decide that he is straight after going out with the Kid. That would make three guys he basically convinced they were not gay after all-apparently not good for the young wanna be gay guy's self image.

Update on Two Guys and a Prom

The kid told me that Chaucer called the other day and that today they would hang out after church and figure out the details for the event. I was glad that Chaucer was still interested. As the kid mentioned the Constance McMillen case, I asked him if he thought that had anything to do with Chaucer, he said no, that the agreement to go was long before Constance McMillen became a news item. He said that he knew that if he went and petitioned the school board for permission to go it might stir up a little frenzy, but that he is certain that if he and Chaucer just went, no one will care.

Last year the Song family tuxedo went to prom on a woman with her same sex date. I knew that. But as I mentioned in the Truth is Stranger than fiction post, I had forgotten that Girl Song had also went to the winter formal with another girl. I told the kid about this. He did not remember. This was eleven years ago. The kid thinks just about anyone can take their same sex date to a prom without it necessarily being a federal case-although he did ask us about how we felt as you will recall from the earlier Two guys and a prom posts.

I asked him if gay kids he knew were surprised that being from a Mormon family this had been relatively painless for him to arrange with his parents knowledge. He just dismissed us as being "liberals." Nice, I guess. I don't feel as though it is quite that simple. You know his "kind of a Homo" Mom would actually, if given the chance, still select a girl for him to go to do high school dances with. Which is strange because, if someone asked me to arrange a marriage for him, I do not know which sex I would choose, because I now have some pretty big questions as to just what his sexuality is and whether or not he could maintain a mixed orientation marriage or same sex marriage with or without a testimony. One night is not eternity, although I am surely certain for a teenager a bad prom night can seem like eternity.

More Truth is Stranger than Fiction from the Song Family

I'm back for a brief blog before hitting the road again. Thank God I bounce.

Grandchildren are a blast. I am now "Mumzy" which means that noncommittal on the grandparent name game DH is now by default "Popzy." Like it or not dear, here we come. Baby Bam Bam is so cute. And such a big boy.

While looking at Girl Song's photo albums, I realized that she went to winter formal with another girl. I now remember. Girl Song's date for winter formal just happens to be the tender subject of my "Will You Be Ready?" Post. I wasn't stressed out at the time, because never in my wildest dreams did I even contemplate one or the other could be gay. I have not told Questioning Song aka The Kid about this, although he may remember this on his own anyway.

Ok, so I've actually done this before, why on earth was I so weirded out by Two Guys and a Prom? It must be the potential for kissing and ooooh something more. Or just the Kid's flagrant, at times, obsession on occassion with things flaming.

Before leaving for distant shores DH and I had a conversation which he initiated wherein he explained to me that yes, it's true I'm really not much like other women and that fact is hammered home to him in all his work dealings. He likes this about me, but also finds it challenging in some ways. Then DH once again explains to me how he himself is rather lacking in so-called masculine traits such as "mechanical ability." I cannot begin to number the times he has proclaimed that he really has a female brain over the years. I hate this OGT stereotyping crap. Hold this thought and we will come back to this potential MOM squared (thank you Curies) line of reasoning DH was following.

Back at distant shores, Girl Song's friend picked me up from the airport. Girl Song later explained that said friend is a gay woman and having a terrible time meeting other gay women. Girl Song's friend is not LDS and really cannot stand gay bars. I worry for the Kid, because he hopes to meet someone during college to settle down with and have a whole passle of children with. I have read several Moho blogs where the authors bemoaned the difficulty of finding potential partners. This also led to a conversation about Number One Song, who is getting a little long in the tooth maritally speaking and what a great guy he is and why he can't get past first dates. From there we went to the topic of arranged marriages and ultimately concluded that gay or straight if parents had to make the choice the most risk free matter of handling the issue would be to find someone who already had a good track record, i.e. polygamy.

We also had a cute conversation with dear Son in Law (SIL) about why he married Girl Song, she was fun, interesting, unusual and he would have the opportunity to travel. SIL is by no means perfect (not LDS, smokes and drinks) but he is filled with common sense and genuine love for people and he treats Girl Song like the princess she is. Girl Song said he was the best man she ever met. And she knew a lot of LDS men of the card carrying type. I think THAT indicates a failure in how we LDS parents are raising our young LDS men.

My current staff is male, and I heard Elder asking Younger if he looked or acted gay, because elder had been asked for his phone number so many times by men. Younger assured him no, but I was quietly thinking about all the OGT's Elder does have even though I hate those stereotypes. Both Elder and Younger are straight. Yesterday, I asked Younger to take care of something at my home and The Kid had to send me a text telling me Younger was "Hot." Yes, so was Meatloaf in his own 80's rocker way.

When I shared with DH that The Kid was scamming on Younger, DH shared that Cervantes, deceased BIL's partner had invited DH to come alone to visit him in beautiful seaside community my head began to spin. Remember BIL thought DH was missing out on life having never been kissed by a man. DH assures me that he is still straight and will not be visiting Cervantes "alone." Apparently, DH is a little flattered by Cervantes offer. So no MOM squared marriage here after all, but . . . .

Weird enough yet? Oh, the brave new world, I am not ready for it.

The Song Family Gets Ready for Prom

Tonight we had our first get ready for Two Guys and a Prom night by watching this video of the Horstmanschoff's family's experience with homosexuality for Family Home Evening. It was a little long. All independent filmmakers do this, they inflict too much information on their viewers. Baby Song said, "Weird." Questioning Song said, "Thank God you're kind of a Homo, too!" and DH said, "Does this mean I can have a second wife?"

Two Guys and a Prom-Part 3

Another question regarding Chaucer's commitment to go to prom was "Will his parents have a melt down over this?" Understand, Chaucer is not LDS, but he lives in a trailer park. Also understand that the Song family also lived in a trailer park at one time, but stereotypes still creep in. I mean is it possible they are just unrepentant redneck, trailer trash? Oh, the vast unknown that gets opened when one contemplates future in laws. Yeah, right, its just a date. Now back to the main question, will there be problems from Chaucer's parents and will the Kid ultimately disappointed?

The Kid simply didn't know the answer to this. He didn't know if Chaucer is out to his parents or not. However, since Chaucer is eighteen, he didn't think that it would matter.

The Kid is also almost eighteen. This actually makes a huge difference in my comfort/discomfort level. It helps that the Kid went to Prom last year with a girl and dated both the flaming red haired ninja girl and ferret woman before becoming interested in his first two male romantic interests. I've had 18 months to process this, revisit my own sexuality/testimony/intellenctual take on the issues, some significant preivous experience with a gay friend, had a now deceased gay brother-in-law and lived in various gay friendly communities.

DH pipes up and says, "We didn't have a meltdown." I had two inner responses, 1) Honey you lying sack of ________, and 2) I'm glad it wasn't visible. More, on my meltdown and my husband's meltdown (which actually involved the Kid and Chaucer last year), he conveniently chose to forget- some other time I suppose.

Then DH says, "Don't do this to be provocative or make a statement." The Kid assured him he wasn't doing it to make a show and explained that they will probably go with a group of people like he did last year. The Kid also explained that although he would like to dress somewhat flamboyantly (he did last year with his female date who made her dress out of a striped bed sheet with a matching tie for the Kid), he didn't think Chaucer was into that. Inside, I thought to myself, "Well, there goes my opportunity to make funky chapeaus for the two of them . . . ." It's funny how twisted the half full glass mindset I have about life can get.

As I have pondered Chaucer and The Kid going to Prom 2010, I've wondered how Grandmother felt when Mother started dating married men and going to roadhouses at age 16. Perhaps this is one reason why Grandmother started drinking at about this time and began her descent into Alcoholism? Yep, no meltdown here. Thank God for Dr. J and the miracle of modern anti-anxiety medication. I think it might be time for a series of posts titled Babylon 1956-1970 wherein I explain the very different background from Mormondom that I was born into and why I want my kids to avoid anything that looks remotely like it. No visible meltdown, but there has been plenty of anxiety, I assure you.

Two Guys and a Prom-Part 2

At this point, in my heart of hearts, I know that Chaucer and the Kid will now be coming to our house before Prom for pictures. This still makes me a little anxious. I make The Kid go to church, mutual and seminary and DH supports me in this because of a few "incidents." DH is now agnostic and the Kid is identifying as Atheist. However, DH feels that the kid needs the moral grounding church has to offer and has remarked, "they don't check to see if you have a testimony or if you are gay at the door." DH and the Kid accordingly don't take the sacrament. But, for some weeks we've been going together as a family and I am satisfied with that.

Even when the Kid wasn't attending Sundays and Mutual, I still required Seminary attendance. My perspective was that this is the one thing that was the most important in the long run as far as, lets face it, preserving maximum options for future missionary service if any thing changed testimony wise. Attaining Eagle Scout also fell by the wayside due to the twin barriers of no belief in God and LGBT or questioning identity.

With Seminary graduation looming, I fear (but have no knowledge that this would be the case) that somehow his graduation could be impacted either by official decree or the Kid winding up being too embarassed to attend after going with Chaucer to the prom. But, truth be told I think many of his friends and his leaders already know. High school social consequences are zero for a variety of reasons I won't go into.

I'd rather not have to explain ourselves to any outlying do gooder who doesn't already know that the Song family is pretty out there anyway as far as being card carrying liberals. But every LDS congregation, no mather how tolerant, has at least 1 or 2 of these types of personalities. And, often I've found these vocal few to be some of the folks with the greatest problems in their own personal lives-think homophobic closeted gay folk. The Kid thinks there won't be any problems. I think he is right.

We also wondered if Chaucer was really serious about doing this and if he would get cold feet? I wondered if the Kid would take this as another rejection. The Kid assured me that his relationship was really much more casual and that he would be ok if Chaucer got cold feet.

I then told the Kid that it is my wish that he find a nice Mormon boy to settle down with. The Kid both liked this and found it uncomfortable. I also said that I hoped both would attend church regardless of excommunication, disfellowship or whatever. He asked, "How would I introduce my husband in Elder's Quorum?" "What if we have kids?" We said, you will introduce him as your husband if you are legally married in a state that allows gay marriage. If you are in a state that allows domestic partnerships, you will introduce him as your partner and that will be that. If you have kids, you will introduce them as your kids with your partner or husband.

And, that will be that.

We also shared about our family friend who went on a mission and is now marrying her girlfriend she fell in love with as a heterosexual woman. He got a kick out of the cute Mormon "lesbians."

DH supports gay marriage and I am just so tired of the whole debate that I no longer participate politically on the issue. If the Kid marries a woman, I will go to the wedding and do the traditional parenting things. If the Kid marries a man, I will go to the wedding and do the traditional parenting things. God can sort all of this out in the millenium.

Two Guys and a Prom-Part 1

So last night the Kid asked me how I felt about him going to his friend Chaucer's (name changed here) prom in May. Oh the mixed feelings and logistics of it all as a something more than straight, living to have no regrets, active member mormon lady of a certain age parent. Where to start?

First of all, we know Chaucer, and his most memorable imprint upon us as parents was his disturbing lack of hygiene. However, we haven't seen him for a year, and the Kid assures us Chaucer has undergone something of a metamorphosis. The Kid is a stud muffin and when not fighting the dreaded teenage acne, and even when the facial eruptions occur looks pretty good even if I say so myself. DH and I don't make no junk when it comes to offspring, although we always wonder how this could be(being relatively dweebish ourselves), genetically, we seem to have combined well to produce better specimens in our offspring. Yes, I am a braggard.

Second, the Kid wanted to know if he should bring Chaucer to the house or meet him elsewhere. What's the problem you may ask? Well, there is a little brother who is cognitively delayed and the original birds and bees talks have been difficult enough, but now we will need to explain to him why the Kid has a male date. And, then how does this fit or not fit in with gospel principles and what does this mean for our family? Fortunately, the Kid has thought about this and has some good ideas for the talks with little brother. I think the next few weeks of Family Home Evening are going to be very interesting . . . .

Third, the Kid's previous two male romantic interests (before them he previously had two girlfriends-one who is now his best friend) have now decided they are straight. This was a bit of a blow to his self esteem as a budding bisexual or gay man. The Kid readily admits that there is something incredibly exhilerating about Chaucer asking him to the Prom after these experiences. I thought it was kind of funny when DH said, "You don't have to go with him, just because he was the only guy who asked you."

And as I now have to run off to work, I must leave the post incomplete. Stay tuned for installment two wherein I share the high points of the family discussion of the hypothetical of how the Kid should introduce any future husband he might have in Elders Quorum.