Thursday, May 20, 2010

Daughter of a Polyamorist

Two days ago, MoHoinHawaii posted on his blog a link to a polyamorist mom's blog. I read it with interest, not only because that, I, too, am inclined towards polyamory by nature, but also because it occurs to me that both of my biological parents were polyamorists. Drama Mama had her proclivity for already married men. I may be technically incorrect on this matter, but I believe women who are in polygamous marriages but don't have sex with any one but the husband are still polygamists. My biological father sent Drama Mama roses on the day of my birth and attempted to stay in touch for several years. I briefly got to meet him when I was seven and he came to visit. Drama Mama was pretty sure he still wanted a relationship with her.

I heard Drama Mama tell Penny (her very close female friend) that my father had told her that he had children all over the United States and had finally undergone therapy for his "problem" but that nobody could fix him. He died before I could finally locate him. So was he a slut and womanizer or was he something more? This really wasn't a one night stand for him, but it being the sixties, Drama Mama wasn't quite entirely ready to be all the way out about her past, and, moreover, she did not want to be tied to this man. I have yet to ascertain whether he ever got a divorce from first wife or not. I know that when he died, he had been married to a woman for a very long time. So many questions and so few answers.

I will touch on these topics more at a later date. In today's society, it's more likely I would have known my biological father and been a part of his life depending on what the relationship was with his wife at the time. I cannot but help wonder if this way that a segment of the population has always chosen to love and colove had not been so taboo, if I would have had a better childhood than I did. And it would not be such a long road back to find out who I am ethnically and culturally. These are the facts of my existence. I am grateful to be alive, so I don't subscribe to the notion that things would have been better had I never been born.

For an interesting documentary made by the son of a polyamorist about his father, order the documentary My Architect from Netflix.


  1. It's really nice of you to accept the background of ur family and focusing on gratitude.

    Even though I'm always be grateful of my family, sometimes I wonder why I was born in this family. Sometimes I see other family were so perfect compared to mine that I want to be part of theirs.

    Joned Rahadian

  2. Joned, thank you for your comment. I am a regular reader of your blog.

    I KNOW that had my family life been any different (father involved, mother not a wild woman, etc.), the chance of me having an opportunity to even be LDS would be very slim. That's why I came to the family that I did.


    Because I am in a helping profession as an adult, I know that in many, many families that look perfect, things are not so perfect. We all have trials, every last one of us.

    Have a great day.

  3. I agree with your latest post, QS. It would be WONDERFUL if there WERE common sense dispensers on every corner and people actually used them! Sorry for whoever is making life unbearable for you right now. If you want, I can dress in black and come take care of them, and they will never know what hit them. I am pretty stealthy and ninja-like-comes from years of dealing with 7th graders!

    LRA. :)

    Happy night. slp