Saturday, January 8, 2011

"Don't Worry You are Kin-Part 2"

Wherein Quiet Song shares Tender Mercies of the Lord and Pearls of Great Price.

As I have previously posted, I have the opportunity to teach at Church. And, recently I had the opportunity to teach Malachi 4:6: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to the fathers, lest I come to smite the earth with a curse.

This engendered (no pun intended) a lively discussion on temple work and geneaology and the work of the temples in the millenium.

Yes, it is true we have lively, out of the box discussions in the class derived from the fabulous questions and lesson plans in the correlated church curriculum. Quiet Song simply does not understand the criticisms against these materials, but like everything else you get out of a resource what you put into it. Her Bishop has given her a nice compliment about being able to teach people powerfully while not presenting the gospel in a series of neat little boxes which she is not entirely comfortable with receiving said compliment, but ok then its true, she has never lived in the series of neat little boxes so why wouldn't she teach the same way???

I cannot recall exactly what I said, but I revealed that there were reasons I could not be sealed to my parents and it looked like there was a pretty good chance if I was going to the Celestial Kingdom it would be alone or nearly alone. There are a number of Bona Fide scriptorians in my class and one of them raised his hand and stated that as members that we often forget the other part of that verse, which is that the hearts of the fathers will be turned to the children. As he elaborated, I began to understand my place a little more and felt a little less alone. As I have subsequently cogitated on the issue, I have concluded that there is probably someone who cares for me enough back up the family tree that when the time comes I can be sealed to them. Because truth be told we know some of us and our loved ones are not going to make it to the highest glory.

For a person like me, this sad reality has been crystal clear since I was very young. At 12 or 13 I was very deeply moved to inquire of heavenly father about what happens to a family when a family member commits a terrible crime which is a sin, and I received a wonderful warm blessing of the spirit assuring me that all would be well. This was a simple moment and I have learned much more intellectually and spiritually since then.

I also couldn't help pondering a story from DH's family. His grandmother remarried as a widow with many young children and then went on to have even more children with the second husband. One of the granddaughters from husband number one told the grandmother she felt bad because she wasn't really a part of second husband's extended family. The grandmother told her, "Don't Worry You are Kin." When the granddaughter and I were looking over the extended geneaologies of these Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Kentucky families, she said she finally understood what her grandmother meant. While there wasn't any evidence of first cousin marrying that were many second and third cousin marriages and brother and sister in law connections between the families. They were very tightly knit together by extended family and especially in law relationships.

This story does not quite end here, because one of our sister scriptorians got up last Sunday to bear her testimony about the family we have within our Ward and how we are bound together that way, and, in her case, because of her children being sealed to members of other families in our ward, which also reminded me that there are blessings that may someday flow from below in the family tree which turned my (a mother's) heart to my children. For me, these incidents were quite a blessing.

Even more remarkable, in my place in the greater human family outside of the church, I feel doubly blessed to have "Grandma and Grandpa," rainbow colored as they are, in my life. WE ARE ALSO KIN.

Friday, January 7, 2011

"Don't Worry-You are Kin" Part 1

I thought the house was a total loss as far as blogging went, but The Gay Dot's recent post and my recent visit to "Grandpa and Grandma's House" fanned the embers into a small flame or two or three. Bear with me as I rummage around a bit in the ashes to get to my point.

As I was returning the Kid to distant shores after Christmas Break, we were once again invited to stop at dear family friend's house. Dear family friend and his household were the subjects of my Better Boob Story post. The Kid said on the way over that he would have been just as happy not to stop at dear family friend's house and just spend the evening with me. I said that I appreciated that, but, dear family friend and E are the closest thing he has right now to a Grandma and Grandpa and they are not going to be around forever or have their wits about them for much longer. The Kid gave me the requisite, "Oh, Mom" giggle and eye roll. I said, "yes, it was a baaaaad joke."

So as we were visiting, family friend and E, they mentioned that they were traveling to attend E's class reunion together. The Kid giggled and quasi rolled his eyes, because now we really do have confirmation that they are more like Grandma and Grandpa than we thought. Not only have I really liked family friend for a very long time, but I also like E, especially now, that he is a she. We had quite the girl talk as E put it.

After I left, I got to thinking about "Grandma and Grandpa" in light of my previous thoughts of finding a new set of parents that I could be adopted by in my Are you my Mother? post. This line of fantastical thinking went something like this: What if family friend and E married? What if I agreed to be adopted by them? Could I then be sealed to them after they died as so many other people do ordinances for their non-member family members after death? Who would really know that E did not start life as a she, everything has been changed legally? God would know. But what does God really think about this? Is this akin to entering a gay marriage if one agrees to be adopted as an adult by a man and a formerly male transperson? Ooops, but wait, under the law they would be an opposite sex couple? And, so, the line of questions ran through my head.

E had a child from one of her marriages so this is not going to happen but it was certainly one of those out of the box moments for me to ponder this idea.

I have blogged extensively about coming to earth in a non-standard issue family of origin for a Mormon: Daughter of a Polyamorist, Are You My Mother, Illegitimate Fathers, Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browing, My Other Mother-Penny and Cheaper than Therapy. There are probably other posts that I've made that touch on these issues.

I have also explored what is like to be in a nonconforming marriage situation as an active member in Not Conflicted . . . and Not in Hiding.

To be continued . . . .

Saturday, January 1, 2011


May I just say that there is more than one element of the story told on this blog, Finding My Gay Mormon Way, that resonates deeply with me. And, leaves me once again, feeling very glad for my patriarchial blessing which helped me to understand and accept who I am sexually very early on.

Happy New Year to all!