Saturday, October 16, 2010

My Own It Gets Better Post

My remarks are directed at parents, particularly any other parents like myself who may have more fluid sexual identity, are devout members of the LDS church, and are dealing with the early stages of a child questioning and coming out.

It gets better.

The internal conflict you feel may be debilitating, the decisions you are called to make on how to best counsel, guide and, yes, at times discipline your LGBTQ child may be daunting, and your ability to care for your own needs may be diminished. In my own case, I fasted and prayed, not for change, but for a greater ability to love, that my child might develop a testimony, and to know how to best respond. I eventually was blessed with tremendous peace and great hope for a better future. I also had to work and walk a fine line. With gay kids and the ever present dialogue over suicide issues, its easy to slip into lower expectations for them to avoid conflict. Don't. Stand firm and require progress in school and other facets of their lives.

Surprisingly, you will also come to a greater acceptance of yourself and have more grace in dealing with the foibles of others.


  1. I have to just say that I really appreciate you. Thank you so much for your words. The comment you left on my blog about my praying for change in herself is good advice for me too. Your advice is always sound.

  2. Thank you Kiley. I really do not have it all together, but after five decades on the planet, I can say that I am beginning to get a bit of handle on human nature . . . my own and that of others. Your mom has only been dealing with this for a couple of years. My gay brother in law came out over 25 years ago to my DH and I, we lived in his town, we were the closest relatives when he had his suicide attempt, a few years later I had my first attraction to a woman, a few years after that our good friend John came into our lives and so on . . . . I say this because, in spite of all this, I still have some of those "why can't they (gay people in general and loved one in specific) just make another choice? I know intellectually its not my call. Spiritually, I am at peace and I know that things are only going to get better for gay people in the church over time. But, there is still that desire for the old status quo and a small fear of the unknown of the future, even though I'm pretty clear about my own something more than straight sexuality and how that coupled with recent personal revelation offering comfort and hope regarding these very difficult subjects SHOULD inform my present thinking as to old status quo patterns. We, as humans, just have a hard time with change. Some of us more than others. I think change (of any kind) also is more difficult the older we get.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.