My hiatus lasted all of a week and the end began with my deciding to try to attend a moho "gathering."
Yesterday, I was trying to shoehorn a church activity into my life at the last minute. Thoughts of the parable of the ten virgins and the story of Noah's ark crossed my mind. I missed the boat and it sailed without me.
As I faced the reality that this activity would go forward without me, I briefly mentally played the blame game:
1) "They" should have made extra efforts to help poor "me."
2) Don't "they" know "I" am different and need extra accomodations.
3) This activity is really not geared to people like "me."
4) If only ________ were different, then "I" would have been be able to participate.
5) God's going to hold "them" accountable for failing to take proper care of "me."
I learned this blame game from my dysfunctional family of origin. It's a hurtful, childish and irresponsible way to relate to other human beings. The solid adult that I've become with an understanding of the atonement did take over, and the second part of the analysis went something like this:
1) Quiet Song, you waited until the last minute to get started preparing for this activity. "They" have been working on it for some time.
2) Even though you waited until the final hour, you still could have participated, had you but followed through not just once but at least three different times during the week preceding the event.
3) And, you could have and should have made this a priority but you chose to sit on the fence about actually making the commitment to participate, because you were testing the winds. While its true that some times you have to put out fires, you weren't prepared for a day without the fires! I think there's a special learning experience here Quiet Song-do you prepare as much for the positive as the negative?
4) Quiet Song you had exactly the same opportunities and the length of time to prepare as everyone else.
5) While it's true you asked for help, you did it at the last minute. Your home teacher was nothing but available and helpful but wasn't participating in that activity, what more was required of anyone else, and you certainly could have asked other people.
6) Driving around hoping for a miracle at the last minute, well, Quiet Song, that was a little bit laughable under the circumstances.
7) And, truth be told if you had really, really wanted to, well no one would have objected to your efforts to keep figuring how to participate. After all you had the actual means to accomplish attending the activity, you just wanted it to be easy and without much effort.
8) Heavenly Father is loving and merciful, and not only will there be another opportunity for "me," he loves "them" as well, and there is room for all of us at the many feasts in our father's house.
Fortunately for Quiet Song and everyone else, while we never know exactly when our time is up, we have many, many opportunities to attend the wedding feast. May we choose to do so by being better prepared to experience the fulness of the gospel. Have a great Sunday.
The prodigal blogger
2 years ago