Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Colt Hansen-Updates you may not have read . . .


"#1 – The fight between Colt and his Father the night before. It was originally told to PRIDEinUtah that the fight was over the Mormon (LDS) religion. It looks like this has been disproven, and the fight was over some private family matters which I don’t think I should post here.

#2 – Was his death a suicide? This is mostly likely going to be a grey area permanently. Half of Colt’s friends (including the ones who initially spoke with PRIDEinUtah last week) are saying it was a suicide, but the other half are saying his overdose on depression and surgery medications was an accident. The simple fact is we may not ever find out which it was. We are still trying to see the coroner’s report, but we are told the cause of death is still undetermined. However, after speaking with several health professionals we have been advised that even if it was suicide, the cause of death will almost always still be listed as accidental.

#3 – The parents do not want friends to attend the funeral. This was both true and false it seems. The family initially announced that it would be a family-only affair, prompting our story on Friday. Since then however his family has come out saying that they only did that because they didn’t think anyone would come. Any friends of Colt who would like to attend will be more than welcomed by the family. However this still doesn’t change the facts of how they handled the obituary, or that they are asking for donations to the Mormon Mission Fund in Colt’s name.

When it comes down to it though folks, none of this really matters. What matters is that we have lost an incredibly wonderful person in our community. The outpouring at his memorial at Try-Angles last night was incredibly beautiful, so many of Colt’s friends and co-workers shared personal stories about how he brightened their lives. I was in tears by the end, and was reminded of what’s really important. It’s not the details of someone’s death that count. It’s remembering who they were, and renewing your personal pledge to be the best friend you can be so that hopefully one day we can end these senseless deaths.

Rest in peace Colt, you will be dearly missed and you were dearly loved."

1 comment:

  1. First,I will just note for the record, that as far as I know there is nothing that stops anyone from having a memorial service for anyone they want to. Except perhaps for having ashes or other remains present.

    Second, families do the best they can with what they have when a loved one dies suddenly. Unless that individual has taken the time to let others know what they want, written their own obituary, or preplanned their services, it is up to the family or friends in some cases to determine how to best plan a memorial.

    Third, it is becoming ever increasing when individuals do address their memorial service that they request that one not be held.

    I wonder if this had been the case with Colt Hansen, just hypothetically speaking, what then would have been the immediate response from the LGBT community in Utah? Is the family obligated to communicate that fact? Would there be an outcry and conjecture as to why the family was "hiding" the death?

    Similarly, if a funeral or memorial is for those left behind, may not they when they have no indication of any other wish of the deceased ask that instead of spending money on flowers that those funds be given to a charity they, the planners, feel most of the attendees will relate to?

    One can always make a memorial donation to any charity of one's choosing, at any time and at any place in honor of a deceased person.

    When BIL passed we made a donation to a California Aids charity. When Drama Mama passed we (our divided family wound up having two memorials) asked that the local members, relatives and friends (and with the exception of one outsite friend who was a nonmember) give an additional amount in fast offerings the next month.

    I am very glad for the updates regarding the death of Colt Hansen and for the integrity of the writer in acknowledging the new information coming out. I am sad for his family not just for their loss, but for the long term difficulties of having a family member struggling with depression and for the discomfort they surely must feel over the publicity this has received.