Friday, February 19, 2010

Two Guys and a Prom-Part 2

At this point, in my heart of hearts, I know that Chaucer and the Kid will now be coming to our house before Prom for pictures. This still makes me a little anxious. I make The Kid go to church, mutual and seminary and DH supports me in this because of a few "incidents." DH is now agnostic and the Kid is identifying as Atheist. However, DH feels that the kid needs the moral grounding church has to offer and has remarked, "they don't check to see if you have a testimony or if you are gay at the door." DH and the Kid accordingly don't take the sacrament. But, for some weeks we've been going together as a family and I am satisfied with that.

Even when the Kid wasn't attending Sundays and Mutual, I still required Seminary attendance. My perspective was that this is the one thing that was the most important in the long run as far as, lets face it, preserving maximum options for future missionary service if any thing changed testimony wise. Attaining Eagle Scout also fell by the wayside due to the twin barriers of no belief in God and LGBT or questioning identity.

With Seminary graduation looming, I fear (but have no knowledge that this would be the case) that somehow his graduation could be impacted either by official decree or the Kid winding up being too embarassed to attend after going with Chaucer to the prom. But, truth be told I think many of his friends and his leaders already know. High school social consequences are zero for a variety of reasons I won't go into.

I'd rather not have to explain ourselves to any outlying do gooder who doesn't already know that the Song family is pretty out there anyway as far as being card carrying liberals. But every LDS congregation, no mather how tolerant, has at least 1 or 2 of these types of personalities. And, often I've found these vocal few to be some of the folks with the greatest problems in their own personal lives-think homophobic closeted gay folk. The Kid thinks there won't be any problems. I think he is right.

We also wondered if Chaucer was really serious about doing this and if he would get cold feet? I wondered if the Kid would take this as another rejection. The Kid assured me that his relationship was really much more casual and that he would be ok if Chaucer got cold feet.

I then told the Kid that it is my wish that he find a nice Mormon boy to settle down with. The Kid both liked this and found it uncomfortable. I also said that I hoped both would attend church regardless of excommunication, disfellowship or whatever. He asked, "How would I introduce my husband in Elder's Quorum?" "What if we have kids?" We said, you will introduce him as your husband if you are legally married in a state that allows gay marriage. If you are in a state that allows domestic partnerships, you will introduce him as your partner and that will be that. If you have kids, you will introduce them as your kids with your partner or husband.

And, that will be that.

We also shared about our family friend who went on a mission and is now marrying her girlfriend she fell in love with as a heterosexual woman. He got a kick out of the cute Mormon "lesbians."

DH supports gay marriage and I am just so tired of the whole debate that I no longer participate politically on the issue. If the Kid marries a woman, I will go to the wedding and do the traditional parenting things. If the Kid marries a man, I will go to the wedding and do the traditional parenting things. God can sort all of this out in the millenium.


  1. I'm curious as to why you hope that once your son finds a boy to settle down with, you hope they would both "attend church regardless of excommunication, disfellowship or whatever." Why do you want them to stay in a society that is anathema to them being their authentic selves?

  2. This would be the same reason I'm happy to have people who have been disfellowshipped, excommunicated for reasons other than homosexuality, or who drink Coffee or Smoke siting next to me in the pew. I love them and I make room for them with my family when they come in. And I'm glad they, like me, still choose to come even though they aren't living every commandment.

    Secondly, if a group of folks really wants to see change in this church I know from growing up long ago in a Stake where there were substantial numbers of black men who could not hold the priesthood, that faithful pioneers did not only trek across the plains, they went to church every Sunday when it seemed it was "anathema to them being their authentic selves."

  3. And yes, I do know that people are not excommunicated for Homosexuality-that should have been more artfully put as acts of homosexuality.

  4. I should also note that the Kid is not entirely sure he will not marry a Girl, but that it likely looks as though if he is lucky enough to find the love of his life it may be a man.

  5. Thanks for the clarification, just wondering.